Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
