I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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