You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
