There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
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DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
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The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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