Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
how drunk are you?
Several
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
