Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
