Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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