So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
