so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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