All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
