The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
