I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
