Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
