i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
