I think I won the penis lottery.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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