And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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