That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
