the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
