Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
