happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
it's like iHOP with fire
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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