pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
