So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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