sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
