the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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