Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
