I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
