Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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