so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
