Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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