Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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