The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
