Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
