I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
