what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
