Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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