from now on my penis is your penis
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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