She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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