the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
