Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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