if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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