seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
