Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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