my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
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you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
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What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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