tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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