Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
