Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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