In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
