Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
