he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
