I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
