At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
