i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
