I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
