Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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