I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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