Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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