You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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