I love black thongs
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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