Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
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Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
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the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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