Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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