They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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