just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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