And the cops told us we were all naked.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
