I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
