i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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