Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
